


Conflict of Interest

by ladyspock7



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Banter, Rivalry, Supervillains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 09:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4430681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyspock7/pseuds/ladyspock7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Megamind has a run-in with a rival crime boss, the vile Psycho Delic. But only one thing can make him lose his cool:  a threat to his favorite reporter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conflict of Interest

**Author's Note:**

> This story arose out of an idea I had when I was working on “Night Club of Doom.” What if Megamind were to run into Psycho Delic while on his way to the club? Psycho Delic is generally assumed to be a first-rate degenerate, and such places would be one of his regular hangouts. But I had already posted most of the story, and it was too late to work him into the narrative. 
> 
> So I rewrote the scene made it into a one-shot.
> 
> I wish to thank KarenBJones for her story “Impressed,” posted on fanfiction.net, which gave me an idea for how to deal with a smoke attack.

Minion raised the garage door of the chop shop and Megamind firmly pushed aside the medic-bot who was trying to put calamine lotion on the gnat bites wreathing his neck. With a final scowl at the captives bound hands to feet lying on the greasy concrete floor, he swiped a hand over his forehead to remove a layer of sweat and walked out into the sweltering summer night, away from the stink of burned metal.

He paused as two sets of headlights cut across the parking lot and watched the maroon town cars park on the far side. With a curt gesture he waved off brainbot 228, who had been attempting to cool him off with its little rotating fan. It didn't help much anyway. His undershirt was plastered to his torso.

Gnats and moths whirled around the lot's single yellow light high atop a pole.

The cars' engines and headlights turned off. Psycho Delic came out of the back of one of them, followed by a woman straightening her leather mini skirt. Four men came out of the other doors. Megamind sized them up, his superior memory quickly providing him with names, histories, addresses, and, in the case of the red-suited flunkie, a short list of allergies.

He noted the black case the computer tech carried, the way the hands of the two gray-suited men reached for their pockets. The brainbots, trained to recognize hostile movements, began bowg-ing at a higher pitch. Psycho Delic scowled at them, then spoke sharply at his henchmen. They let their empty hands fall to their sides, though one of them, Randy, goggled at them with bloodshot eyes and fidgeted with his jacket, loosening his collar, running a hand over his hair.

Megamind pegged him as the one who would be the first to start shooting wildly, if he didn't shoot himself in the foot first.

The red-suited flunkie Bernie darted over to Psycho Delic and began whispering in his ear. Some of Psycho Delic's usual posse, though the woman was new. The woman was always new. Any who stuck around for more than an hour was at least worth an ID check. This one, Rachel Natterly, had lasted almost a week, practically married by Psycho Delic standards.

Megamind strode across the lot, hand hovering casually over the de-gun. Humming brainbots spread out around him. His cape dragged through the sweltering night air. Damn humidity. It was one of those rare nights when the city lay under a smothering blanket of moisture, and the temperature barely dropped even after the sun went down.

Minion hefted the stun gun in both hands and fell into step behind his shoulder. The only thing more intimidating than a gorilla-sized cyborg was a gorilla-sized cyborg toting a really big gun.

The smart thing for Psycho Delic to do would be to get back in his car and leave, but intelligence, Megamind knew, was not part of this equation. To leave would have resulted in an inexcusable loss of face. If Psycho Delic simply left, then before the night was over everyone in the criminal underworld would know that the drug lord had _backed down._

Psycho Delic walked across the asphalt, his black walking stick tapping the ground, in his usual maroon outfit, white shirt clinging damply against his skeletal chest. Rachel hung onto his arm, her stilleto heels clicking while Bernie the kiss-ass stuck close to his boss' other elbow. The tech tiptoed along the center of the group, face shiny with sweat, wearing flip-up glasses and a light blue jacket zipped all the way up to his neck. Randy bit his lip and idly punched one hand into the other, and his head jerked around as he tried to keep all of the brainbots in view. The other guy in gray, Hector, stuck a toothpick in his mouth to indicate how cool he was.

“Keep an eye on Randy Twitchy-hands,” Megamind murmured.

“Got both eyes on him, Sir.”

The brutebots floated out from the shadows around the lot and Megamind smirked at the sharp look Psycho Delic and his buddies gave them. The other villain's steps faltered for a moment, causing a brief pile-up behind him. He regained his stride, but, Megamind was pleased to note, more slowly than before. This was Psycho Delic's turf, or at least the turf of his lackeys, and Megamind the trespasser, but the 'bots had him outnumbered and outflanked.

Psycho Delic irritably shook Rachel off his arm and tossed his smoking cigar stub onto the ground. She pouted, her long earrings glinting, but fell back a step.

Savoring the subtle shift of power in his favor, Megamind made his face stern and fixed his eyes on the other super-villain, coming to a stop several feet before his rival. The brutebots with their black opaque domes and glowing blue mohawks came close, their deep rumble providing a counterpoint to the smaller brainbots's eager bowgs.

“All prettied up, just for me? I'm flattered,” said Megamind. “But you're too late. I have already retrieved my property.”

Psycho Delic tilted his head in exaggerated concern, red eyes glowing. “Oh yeah? Glad to hear it.”

“Your pet geek will have to try his reprogramming skills somewhere else.”

The man in the blue jacket blinked rapidly and edged behind Psycho Delic.

The purple man reared back in astonishment. “What? Nah, Jerry's my main man,” he said with a grin, throwing his arm around the other man's shoulders, hauling him forward. “We always party together. Ain't that right, Jer?”

The tech's mouth stretched into a frantic smile. “Ah hahaha, yeah, that's right, we're ready to party. Party on, man. Just a couple amigos out for a night on the...”

“Shut up.” Psycho Delic shoved him back into the group. “My guys found your little robot in some pretty tough straits. All beat up, sending off sparks. Brought Jerry by to see if he could lend a hand before we head out on the town. And this is the thanks I get, you strutting around like you own the place. How about a finder's fee? Your little 'bot could have been stolen.”

Megamind gave a brief humorless chuckle. “Leaving your thugs unharmed should be payment enough.” He turned sideways and waved a hand toward the open shop where the men were visible inside, face down on the floor with their hands tied to their feet behind them.

“Hm.” Psycho Delic craned his neck to look around Minion's bulk. “I don't see Travis.”

“In the dog kennel. The same one in which they'd trapped the brainbot.”

The gang craned their necks and Minion stood aside so they could all see the tied up men, and the dog kennel that sat between them. It was not a very big kennel. The squished man waggled his fingers.

Bernie muttered, “How'd he fit in there?”

“Minion shoved real hard.”

Psycho Delic nodded at the broken pile of metal behind the captives. “What's all that crap?”

“Their motorcycles. I had the brainbots slice them up. They broke something valuable to me, so I returned the favor,” he said, pretending to examine his fingernails.

Psycho Delic grimaced. “Hector, go set 'em loose.” The other gray suited man stepped forward.

“Stay, Hector,” Megamind said.

The brutebots set up a deep electronic growl. The man froze, holding his hands out in front of him, toothpick moving rapidly from one side of his mouth to the other. Psycho Delic's leathery purple face tightened with anger and sweat glistened on his thin neck.

Megamind's fingertips curled lightly above the handle of the de-gun and he stared levelly at the other villain. “They stay where they are for the time being,” he said, voice hard. “They either acted under your orders to have a little hunting expedition, or they seized an opportunity to bushwack a lone brainbot. They claim to have found it after it was hit by a car.”

“Accidents happen.”

“It must have been an unusually _aggressive_ car, to have hit it nine or ten times. I've never seen so much damage to a brainbot outside of a fight with Metro Mahn. Dome cracked, hover unit broken so it couldn't fly, every one of its arms snapped off. Three goons, three baseball bats. It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out.”

Psycho Delic shrugged. “Huh. Weird.”

“And if they were acting on your orders,” Megamind said, “then perhaps I should demand compensation from you.”

Psycho Delic looked down, patting at his suit coat until he found a cigar. He pulled it out of an inner pocket and ran it under his nose, inhaling the aroma. “Want one?” he said, holding it out.

“No, I don't think so.” Any cigar of Psycho Delic's was probably laced with enough meth to kill an elephant. His natural ability to produce neurotoxins prevented him from getting a buzz from any but the most liver-destroying narcotics.

The red-suited flunkie flicked on a lighter. Psycho Delic leaned over the flame and puffed the cigar into life, squinting thoughtfully at Megamind. “Well, if it's compensation you're after...how about this here?”

And gave Rachel a shove.

She gasped and stumbled into the space between them. She stared at him with wide eyes, then looked over her shoulder at Psycho Delic in hurt bewilderment.

“Go on, honey,” he said with a toothy smile. “Show him whatcha got.”

Bernie snickered. Randy gave a high-pitched giggle.

Megamind felt his jaw tighten. Leave it to Psycho Delic to drag the conversation into the gutter.

Chest heaving, she half turned back to Megamind, looking at him out of the corner of her eye, trying to tug her neckline up enough to cover her cleavage.

“No, stupid, the other way,” Psycho Delic said, grinning, cigar smoke trickling out the corner of his mouth.

Megamind glared at him. _“Monetary_ compensation.”

Psycho Delic sneered. “Oh, sorry, I forgot you're delicate. But if you don't like her, let me hook you up with someone else.” He crooked his hand and Rachel hurried back to his side and clung to his arm, the attempt to foist her off on one of his foes apparently forgiven. She gave Megamind an indignant look as if he were the one who had propositioned her.

Puzzling. Was she insulted that he hadn't seized her and dragged her off?

“We were just about to go out on the town. Care to join us?” Psycho Delic said, grinning with his too-long yellow teeth. “You got your little 'bot back, I'll bet you've got 'im tucked away in your pocket, right? All's well, blah blah blah. So how about it? I'll find you a nice girl. Or...a boy?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Hey, it don't matter to me. I don't judge.”

Bernie snickered again. “Good one, boss.”

Typical. Questioning your enemy's masculinity is the oldest game in the book. Megamind tapped his chin and rolled his eyes skyward as if giving it serious thought. “Gosh, I'd love to, but I’m really not in the mood to catch a horrific social disease at the moment. I'm quite busy. A brainbot to repair, a hero to destroy, a city to conquer, you know how it is.”

“Oh, yeah, I saw your last dance with the big man!” said Psycho Delic, red eyes wide. “Nice of you to broadcast it all over the city so the rest of us schmucks can see how good you do. Taking a header into that pillar, whoa, that must have hurt.”

At the sound of a heavy step behind him, Megamind flung out his hand to stop Minion from stomping forward.

“I don't see you fighting Metro Man,” snapped Minion. “And whenever Sir's keeping him busy, you always clean up pretty good in your operations! Like that job you pulled when...”

“Enough,” said Megamind. The indignant henchfish shut his mouth with a click of his sharp teeth.

The Master of All Villainy gave Psycho Delic a thin smile. “We all use whatever distractions arise to advance our own causes,” he said congenially. “And make use of what poor skills we have. Some are made for mighty battles, while others lurk in the shadows.”

Psycho Delic's leathery brow creased as he tried to figure out if he'd been insulted. Then he shook his head. “Hey, I'm just saying. You work too hard, you've got to learn to relax. I mean, you do relax once in a while, right? I heard you caught the act at the Pussycat Club the other night. 'Damsel's Revenge.' A real scream. I saw it four, five times myself.”

“There was some screaming involved once I arrived, yes,” said Megamind coldly. Of course Psycho Delic wouldn't have missed that sordid act, especially one that insulted Megamind and cast him in the role of victim.

“Poor ol' Dibble,” Psycho Delic said, shaking his head. “I think he would have preferred it if you'd torched the place. He could have collected the insurance.”

“Which would have run completely counter to my goal,” Megamind said. “Which was to ensure that no one would profit from making a mockery of me. Though such subtleties escape you, I'm sure.”

Psycho Delic snorted and rolled his eyes. “The show give you any ideas?” he said, leering.

“I was there on business. A matter of honor, of which you know nothing. But...” He stroked his chin thoughtfully. “I believe I know how to resolve our current dilemma, at no monetary cost to you. Miss Natterly,” Megamind said, turning to her with a smile, “do you know why your beau...and I use the term in its widest possible sense...uses a cane?”

Psycho Delic, who had been spending most of the evening idly trying to remember what her name was himself, narrowed his eyes and paused with the cigar halfway to his mouth.

Rachel glanced at him, then back at Megamind. “I think it looks sexy,” she said with defiance.

“Oh yes, I'm sure it does, but it serves another more practical purpose as well. Some years ago he thought it would be amusing to infect me with one of his vile secretions. Who knows what it would have been? A hallucinogen? Truth serum of some sort? Maybe even an aphrodisiac so I would lose all control and attempt to mount every female that crosses my path?”

“Figured you could use the help,” Psycho Delic said, voice harsh.

“Not unlike he does actually, but in any case I saw his slimy fingers reaching for my head in the nick of time, and gave him a good, solid kick.”

“Watch it.” Psycho Delic's lip twitched.

“Made his knee bend the wrong way. He walks really well most of the time, but once in a while, it gives him some trouble. Practically falls on his face, if he's not careful. But at least the cane looks real spiffy. Until you know the story, anyway.”

He smiled at Psycho Delic, whose face twisted as if he'd taken a glass of lemonade spiked with salt.

“There, you see? I get to share a little tale, and it doesn't cost you a cent. I consider myself adequately compensated. Stop making faces at the other henchmen, Minion, you're scaring them.” He jerked his head at Minion as he turned toward the side of the building where the invisible car was parked and the henchfish fell into step behind him.

“At least my dick works! At least I got a clue!” Psycho Delic shouted. “Maybe if you had a girl tied up right...” then he broke off with a harsh bark of laughter. “Oh, that's right, you have had a woman tied up right in front of you, and you're still clueless!”

Megamind felt his jaw tighten but he kept walking. _He lost, and he knows it. All he can do is yap._

“She's Metro Man's girl so you don't have the guts.” The villain's voice echoed off the walls. “All your big talk, you don't dare touch what's his! Hell, I would! I'm not scared of him. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, maybe I'll pay that cute little reporter a visit, see what other charms she has, besides a big mouth and a fat ass. Show her how a purple guy rides. She sure as hell doesn't go for blue!”

Megamind kept walking but leather creaked as he clenched his fists. Rage erupted from the blackest depths of his heart.

“Sir,” Minion said through his teeth. “It's just trash talk. Let's go.”

He drew the de-gun, knowing that Minion's bulk hid the movement from the other gang. “Minion,” he said, turning the dial on the barrel to 'de-coupage' with two sharp clicks.

“Yes, Sir?” the ichthyoid sighed.

“Target Hector and Twitchy-hands. If the brainbots don't get them, you will. Psycho Delic is mine. By all means, Minion. Let us go.” Whirling, he went around Minion and lifted his arm and pointed. “Brutebots, attack the cars. Brainbots, defend!”

The brainbots poured across the lot with excited bowgs, the brutebots soaring after them, spikes shining. Psycho Delic snapped around, purple smoke roiling off his hands, but scrambled out of the way of the brutebots roaring by barely over his head.

The brutebots attacked the town cars with jaws big enough to swallow a man. Glass shattered, hoods and headlights were crushed, alarms shrieked. Bullets pinged off the brutebots' armor as Hector opened fire.

“Get the runt!” Psycho Delic shouted through the cloud of brainbots.

Another gunshot rang out as Randy's weapon discharged and Hector fell to the ground with a scream, grabbing at his calf. Okay, so Randy was the one most likely to shoot his friend in the leg, Megamind thought with amusement.

Yelling, Randy covered his head with one arm and fired wild shots into the sky at the brainbots dive bombing him, then Minion shot him with the stun gun and knocked him out of his shoes.

Psycho Delic's arms shot up and raised a wall of purple smoke and swept it toward Megamind. Rachel tottered out of its way, but Bernie was caught in the wake. The man's eyes bulged and he began swatting at his face as if attacked by wasps.

Jerry the tech bolted for the open chop shop, brainbots racing after him, much to the dismay of the captives inside.

Keeping an eye on the rapidly approaching smoke, Megamind fired. The shot pierced the purple haze and struck Psycho Delic's right hand making him stagger back two steps. Automatically he grabbed at the glue, and instantly his left hand got stuck to the first. Megamind redirected a shot at his feet. A mass of glue hit one of his fashionable black shoes and stuck him to the ground. He staggered and fell to one knee, getting his hands stuck as well as he flung out his arms to catch himself.

“228,” Megamind shouted, and his specialized jackknife brainbot, with thirty-one different accessories, swept over to him, eyestalk quivering. “Fan. Disperse to the north.” The little fan once again unfolded from its compact body and it began blowing away the smoke.

Megamind swept his cape over his head and charged through the remaining haze. When he judged he had cleared the worst of it he swept aside the cape and skidded to a stop in front of the struggling Psycho Delic, aiming the de-gun at his face. “Turn it off,” he said in a hard voice. “If I feel so much as an eyebrow go numb, you're dead. Terrible fate, suffocation.”

Psycho Delic looked down at his trapped hands. The right was completely encased in glue, but purple smoke rolled off the back of his left. He growled, but the smoke disappeared. “You want a war?” he shouted, hat falling rakishly to the opposite side, exposing more of his bare scalp. “You got one, you little runt. I'll get Grimm and Stillwell, we'll crush you. And the Doom Syndicate! I'm gonna make you wish you'd never landed on this planet. I'm gonna...”

His defiant speech was marred by the racket from the brainbots who, having pursued the tech into the chop shop, had now dragged him out again, as well as the hog-tied prisoners, dragging them all around the lot, the dog kennel bouncing and rolling along like a barrel.

Minion scooped up the magnum lying next to Hector, then shouted at the brainbots. “Hey! Get the other handgun! Over there. You put them down right now! Geez, they’re already tied up. That is enough! I mean it!” One by one the brainbots released the helpless captives, though under Minion's exasperated instructions they hung on to the tech. The kennel rolled over twice more before coming to a stop, to the unfortunate sounds of the man stuck inside being wretchedly sick.

Hector clutched his leg, whimpering, trying to swat away brainbots, some of whom were attempting to restrain him, while the medic-bot darted at him with aspirin and bandages.

Screams came from Rachel, and increasingly loud gibberish from Bernie, hanging onto her ankle, pleading with her to make it stop. She smacked him on the head with her purse.

The brutebots heaved one of the town cars over with a crash. Another grabbed the other car and shook it vigorously with a sound of screeching metal.

“SILENCE!” Megamind roared.

The voice of command echoed off the buildings and the 'bots froze. A brutebot edged over to the overturned car and gnawed cautiously on a tire. The night was still except for Hector’s whimpering and Bernie’s wailing.

“The scissors! Oh God, not my teeth! They're melting!” Bernie screamed.

Megamind snapped, “Would you shut them up!” The gnat bites on his neck itched at a fever pitch.

“Probably not a good idea, Sir, for that one. He got a pretty good hit of that smoke. Don't know what the knock-out spray would do. Could have a bad reaction if...”

“And what, pray tell, is in your hand?"

Minion looked at the stun gun and chuckled apologetically. “Oh. Sorry, Sir. Forgot.” There was a blast of white-blue light, and Bernie fell into unconsciousness. Minion stunned Hector too, and the medic-bot got to work.

“You won't get away with this! You hear me!” Psycho Delic shouted, beginning to froth at the mouth. The fedora fell off. “Show you what you'll get by horning in on my turf!”

Megamind reset the de-gun, aimed at the dumpster on the far side of the lot, and fired. It erupted like a Roman candle, crashing against the building behind it. Metal sides burst asunder, the rubberized lid went airborne, and bits of burnt garbage rained down across the lot. The remaining conscious people gaped at the flames. Psycho Delic's eyes were wide and round.

Megamind aimed the de-gun at him again, and felt an ugly warm glow at the cringe of his foe's shoulders. “Hard to have a war if you don't have a head,” he said.

Rachel cried out, “James!” and clapped her hands over her mouth.

Megamind kept his eyes on Psycho Delic's rigid features. “Amazing. It sounds like she truly cares for your well-being, James. And here you were about to just give her away. I'd hang onto that one if I were you.”

“Don't tell me what to do,” Psycho Delic growled.

“A few things I'd like to bring to your attention,” said Megamind. “First of all, you know very well that the only women we can make fun of are each other's mamas. Why, there's a whole plethora of jokes and insults at our disposal.” He waved a hand through the stifling air. “As in, yo mama's so fat, she could really benefit from a healthy exercise regimen and weight loss plan. You with me so far?”

“You little runt! I don't care who the bitch is, I'll say whatever I...”

The point of Megamind's boot connected sharply with Psycho Delic's hip bone. Groaning, he curled up as far as the glue would allow.

“Come again?” Megamind said, raising a hand to his ear.

Psycho Delic slowly looked up, breathing hard, and glared at him.

Megamind cocked his head. “Perhaps you'd like to correct your last statement.”

“Fuck you.”

He grinned ee-villy. “That's the spirit! Insult me all you wish. It feeds my ee-vil soul. Make any more remarks about Miss Ritchi, and the next kick will be to a much more tender part of your anatomy. I have no interest in your miserable territory, which leads to my next point.”

Still holding the de-gun he put his hands behind his back, holding the wrist of his gun hand with the other. He paced a few steps, like a professor giving a lecture to a dull-witted pupil. “Your worthless colleagues are no match for me. Grimm turns pale and practically wets himself if I look at him cross-eyed, and if Stillwell were any more incompetent he'd qualify for the police academy. And I don't think your so-called friends in the Doom Syndicate will shed too many tears at your demise either. They’ll be so busy tearing each other apart over your leaderless turf they simply won't have time or in-cly-nation to avenge you.”

Megamind watched the thoughts churning behind Psycho Delic's eyes. “And lastly, I would like to make something crystal clear.”

He put his hands on his knees, leaning close to look in the other villain's eyes, and his voice grew cold. “If anything happens to Miss Ritchi, anything at all, there will be no more Mister Ee-villy Polite Super-Villain. It will be another sort of villain. You won't like him. And you won't need a cane anymore, you will need a hearse.”

He pressed the tip of the de-gun against the purple temple hard enough to leave a dent. “You hear me?”

Psycho Delic was very still. “I hear you.”

Megamind glared at him for a moment to let the message sink in. Straightening as if to turn away, he whirled suddenly, making a sudden jerking motion with his leg, scuffing his boot hard against the ground to make gravel spray up.

Psycho Delic flinched, curling up again over his groin, pulling his free knee against his body. When the blow failed to connect, he glared up at him with such fury Megamind was surprised the air didn't ignite.

Megamind smiled. “I'm so glad we understand each other.”

Holstering the de-gun, he looked over at Rachel, who took a step back. “Miss Natterly, the glue can be dissolved quite easily by a mixture of equal parts acetone and WD-40, if you are so inclined. My apologies for disturbing your evening.” He hooked a thumb in his belt and gave her a slight bow, then turned on his heel and walked back to the invisible car.

“Jerry!” Psycho Delic snapped. “Get your ass into Travis's shop and find some lighter fluid and WD-40.”

“But honey, acetone is nail polish remov-”

“Who asked you!”

“Actually, Mr. Delic, I think she's ri---”

“I'm not paying you to think! Move it!”

Megamind felt his lips stretch into a grin. It was going to be a very long night for some people.

\- - - - - -

“Night's still young, wanna swing by Destruction Worker's place and pick another fight?” Minion said, turning the steering wheel with rather more force than necessary.

Megamind sighed and sank back into the seat as the air conditioning started up and the sweat on his head and face began to solidify. The medic-bot flew over the back of the seat and nudged its way into his lap. He stroked its spikes. “Who's the ee-vil little 'bot that patched up that nasty gunman trying to blow off Daddy's head? Was that you? Was it?”

It raised its eyestalk. “Bowg?”

“Daddy's just fine, 402. But Minion is all cranky, yes he is,” he said with a grin. “Because Daddy didn't listen to him and let those vile threats against Daddy's exclusive kidnapping victim slide, oh no he didn't.”

“Okay, okay, you don't have to get so sarcastic,” Minion grumbled. “Just want a little more warning before you kick off a turf war.”

Chuckling, he turned to his irritated henchfish. “Next time I'll be sure to post it on the bulletin board, three weeks in advance. You performed admirably, Minion, as I knew you would,” he said, clapping a hand on his hairy shoulder.

The tension left Minion's jaw. The icthyoid sighed. “Well, at least we got 18 back.” He tapped the side panel in his robot body which held the dehydrated brainbot. “Maybe it's time to think about retiring him.”

Megamind frowned. “He's the last of the original test batch.”

“Yeah, and it can't keep up with the other brainbots, Sir, no matter how many repairs you make. It hardly has any original parts left.”

Megamind steepled his fingers above the brainbot in his lap. “I will keep it close to home. I'll give it guard duty, and instruct it to remain within a two hundred yard radius around the lair.”

“Okay, Sir. I guess that'll do.”

One brutebot and two brainbots had sustained minor damage from bullets. All in all, it had gone quite well.

He tugged at his collar to scratch at the bites. Right at the neckline. Why did they do that, just at the point above the clothing, when there was a whole expanse of skin to choose from? Perhaps blood concentrated at these slightly constricted areas.

Grimacing, he scratched the back of his head. A few enterprising insects had chosen that area to attack. He believed he had prepared for every contingency, but he’d forgotten the insect repellent. There was always some unexpected vulnerability.

“When we return to the lair, prepare another brainbot squad to keep watch at Miss Ritchi's apartment complex.” He'd station brainbots right in her apartment if he could get away with it, but that was unthinkable. She would never allow it and Metro Man would smash them quicker than you could say 'vendetta.'

Imagine trying to explain it to her. _So now I'm getting stalked by the most vicious drug lord in the city?_ she'd say, her eyes shooting daggers at him. _Thanks a lot, Megamind._

“Right, Sir. I was thinking the same thing.”

They drove in silence for a while. “You don't really think he'd try anything, do you? He could rally the Doom Syndicate.”

Megamind snorted. “The day I can't handle the Doom Syndicate, Minion, is the day you can ship me off to the old aliens' home. Besides, they despise him almost as much as I do. But I'm not taking any chances with the well-being of my future Ee-vil Queen.”

It would be so much easier to protect her if she were his, he thought as he watched the buildings and lighted windows flit past in the dark. Gloomily he reflected that perhaps she wouldn't be in quite so much danger if he were out of her life altogether.

“She is an indispensable component of my masterful plans, and cannot in any way be omitted,” he said out loud. “Her participation, willing or not, is imperative for the advancement of my glorious plans to conquer this wretched city.”

“Er....yeah, Sir, I know.”

“Why, as the girlfriend of Metrocity's hero, she's a target for every power-crazed super-villain out there in any case.”

Minion speeded up the invisible car to maneuver around a group of vehicles stopped at a traffic light, zooming through the intersection just ahead of a minivan. “Mm-hm.”

“Might as well be me! And have I ever harmed her?”

“Er, no, Sir, because of all the failsafes, just in case Metro Man doesn't get there in time.”

“Have I ever laid a hand wrong? Have I ever been anything other than a gentleman, Minion?”

“Except for forcibly tying her up and abducting her against her will, Sir.”

“Exactly! So she has no cause for complaint!” he said, and pounded his fist against the armrest.

“Sir?”

“What? What is it?” he snapped.

“You do know I'm not arguing with you, right?”

Megamind opened his mouth and shut it again. He sighed and allowed the medic-bot to put calamine lotion on his neck. “Let's get back. I have repairs to make. And then,” he said, raising his hand to drive home the proclamation. “I will initiate...Project: Marriage Proposal.”


End file.
